smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize