Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
