How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
