Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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