Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
