The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
