Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
