Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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