I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
