you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.