What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?