i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound