My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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