I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
