Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize