I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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