I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.