this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.