Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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