thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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