Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
