When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
