I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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