bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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