bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize