booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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