some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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