i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
