i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company