I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad