Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.