We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
