I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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