I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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