batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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