Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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