I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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