Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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