I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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