So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
