I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter