apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Everclear isn't food dammit