i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.