Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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