you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
