I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
