I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
