i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
