you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
