We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face