My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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