Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.

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  (978): I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it. http://tfl.nu/p2ch
  Replies (4) Good night (2872) Bad night (693)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

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  (919): I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen. http://tfl.nu/75lv
  Replies (32) Good night (1559) Bad night (3032)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people

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  (614): If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people http://tfl.nu/avir
  Replies (19) Good night (4608) Bad night (1331)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.

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  (843): By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/tce7
  Replies (17) Good night (1787) Bad night (5750)
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  (831): View more from California

  Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?

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  (831): Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21? http://tfl.nu/gpnq
  Replies (37) Good night (6879) Bad night (1393)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit

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  (732): just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit http://tfl.nu/qpl1
  Replies (71) Good night (8040) Bad night (1032)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"

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  (862): he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!" http://tfl.nu/rt63
  Replies (15) Good night (5333) Bad night (1603)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?

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  (412): Why are there maracas in the dishwasher? http://tfl.nu/o2j7
  Replies (14) Good night (5425) Bad night (945)
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  (831): View more from California

  You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint

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  (831): You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint http://tfl.nu/ergy
  Replies (5) Good night (1785) Bad night (1279)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.

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  (706): You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT. http://tfl.nu/osv9
  Replies (4) Good night (1090) Bad night (483)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.

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  (605): I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way. http://tfl.nu/xvcq
  Replies (6) Good night (827) Bad night (625)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.

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  (519): People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style. http://tfl.nu/g3nw
  Replies (3) Good night (1287) Bad night (473)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.

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  (717): Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable. http://tfl.nu/afco
  Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (327)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug

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  (248): My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug http://tfl.nu/ts87
  Replies (4) Good night (433) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool

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  (905): I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool http://tfl.nu/fti7
  Replies (7) Good night (612) Bad night (207)

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