spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first