Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore

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  (845): i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore http://tfl.nu/w95h
  Replies (20) Good night (5491) Bad night (1172)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod

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  (859): i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod http://tfl.nu/ur38
  Replies (11) Good night (5565) Bad night (854)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.

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  (781): Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger. http://tfl.nu/4opy
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (2295)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  This dude is being a total douche

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps

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  (713): This dude is being a total douche (832): Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps http://tfl.nu/sy46
  Replies (10) Good night (3817) Bad night (949)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl

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  (662): The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl http://tfl.nu/s3lv
  Replies (7) Good night (3058) Bad night (901)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation

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  (505): I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation http://tfl.nu/u5tc
  Replies (12) Good night (1104) Bad night (3158)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were

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  (727): they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were http://tfl.nu/gg4c
  Replies (5) Good night (2492) Bad night (774)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

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  (832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd
  Replies (21) Good night (3779) Bad night (1000)
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  (209): View more from California

  This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!

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  (209): This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ! http://tfl.nu/qsnl
  Replies (7) Good night (1823) Bad night (569)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard

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  (971): Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard http://tfl.nu/g5bb
  Replies (1) Good night (1164) Bad night (545)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.

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  (931): Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this. http://tfl.nu/inch
  Replies (8) Good night (4252) Bad night (814)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.

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  (+64): Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please. http://tfl.nu/o748
  Replies (8) Good night (999) Bad night (455)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.

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  (812): Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night. http://tfl.nu/i4xm
  Replies (2) Good night (521) Bad night (506)
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  (916): View more from California

  Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister

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  (916): Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister http://tfl.nu/waln
  Replies (6) Good night (1362) Bad night (297)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I am thankful for thumbs.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Land dolphins.

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  (425): I am thankful for thumbs. (425): Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins. (425): Land dolphins. http://tfl.nu/9wit
  Replies (2) Good night (914) Bad night (243)

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