My hand turned me down
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
