so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.