I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm