i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i am craving dick and cupcakes