you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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