he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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