Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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