I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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