the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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