he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
