cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
